Weekend No. 19 in the County Jail
I only had one thing a female jail junkie would want: A bobby pin. Tiffany’s eyes widened with excitement and offered food.
View ArticleI Call My Neighbor Gummo the Spy
Then right on cue, the whole complex became a mashup of Duck Soup: Mrs. Tyndale burst out of her door singing what sounded like some sort of aria.
View ArticleMy Neighbor’s Peaceful Meditations are Driving Me Crazy
He was there all hours of the day, rain or shine, lost in the peace of his mellow being. He returned none of our casual hellos and friendly waves.
View ArticleSelected Readings From the Book of Influencers
Spying her water bottle, he transformed it into a La Croix. Kim took a sip, swished a little, and frowned. “I only like Pampelmousse"
View ArticleEmeline, Please Respond, For the Squid’s Power Only Grows
An orange squid has entered my dreams, watching me practice my ascending spin and barrel sculls with languid disinterest. I cannot banish him.
View ArticleThe First Mission to Mars Forgets to Pack Chapstick
“D-Did I leave my Chapstick over here?” Meadowbrook blurted. “Oh!” She said. “If you did, I haven’t seen it. Maybe it floated out of your pod?”
View ArticleFish Out of Water
A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.
View ArticleThe First Recorded Instance of Déjà Vu
Utu dropped the carcass and turned back for the cave. Very suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and raised his eyebrows in surprise.
View ArticleThe Sad Tale of the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man
"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.
View ArticleHow a Work Trip to the Hallmark Christmas Universe Royally Fucked My Marriage
December 22nd, 6:52 AM: It’s unusual to be on assignment just three days before Christmas, but when the Senior Editor asks you to cover a small town ice dancing competition four states away, you do...
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